So many people ask the same question: “Why am I still single?” Many ask this question of themselves almost daily. Some may wonder if they are meant to find love, whether they have something wrong with them, or whether their true value is hidden from others. If you find yourself in a position where you have been unlucky in love for the past several years, then it could be that your actions and perceptions might have a great deal to do with it. Life is not out to get you and you are far from cursed, you are just where you are today due to your daily choices, just like many others.
Some things are simply out of your control, but if you find yourself trapped in a recurring pattern, then it is time to do some major reevaluation. There are numerous things that can be done to improve your love life, but it takes introspection. Read on to learn how to get started.
Too High Standards
If your standard for the ‘right’ partner sounds more like a perfect Disney character, with no room for flexibility, then you are likely to be single. If you expect nothing but fireworks and a romance straight out of a Hollywood movie, you are being completely unrealistic and this is highly unlikely to happen. It is always best to set realistic expectations in any relationship. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship or even a perfect person. Everyone has quirks and unique traits that may come across as strange to others. There is no need to worry too much about the little things as they have little ability to make someone a good or bad person. Embrace others for who they are, just as you hope to be accepted.
On top of having unrealistic standards, some people feel they are much more important than they actually are and that others are far below them. Many people carry this trait without even realizing how they come across. If you are uncertain whether this is you, ask yourself the following questions.
- Do you think you have a higher life purpose than others?
- Do you quickly assume others are not doing as well as others?
- Are you convinced others are purposely not seeing your true value?
- Do you fee you have nothing to change about yourself?
If you are able to answer yes to any or all of these, perhaps your sense of self is inflated and keeping you single. Address this issue so you are not constantly writing people off before getting to know them. You need to learn to humble yourself. Remember if you have high or impossible standards for someone else then you must be able to meet the same ones for yourself. Make sure you set standards are consistent and equal to your own character, personality, and what you are offering. If you cannot, you are being unrealistic.
Think Too Poorly of Yourself
The opposite of an inflated ego is underestimating yourself which is just as detrimental. If you think so little of yourself that you believe anyone who shows romantic interest must have something wrong with them then there is a problem. If questions of whether someone wanting to date you is a joke or they must want something from you are clouding your mind, then your low self-esteem may be pushing potential dating partners away. If you truly believe you are unworthy of love, you need to address and break this cycle. Learn to see yourself in a more positive light through positive affirmations or other forms of help.
A Broken Heart
If you have been in a relationship that broke your heart, then you likely fear having that happen again. You may still feel somewhat trapped by your ex, reliving past memories, and anticipating that future relationships will end the same way. This can leave you unable to commit to anything new. Be honest with yourself about how you are dealing with the breakup. Work through what you need to and then move forward to start reclaiming your independence. Something better will come along.
Choosing the Wrong Partners
Another reason that you are still single is that you are looking for love in the wrong places. Perhaps you have been dating out of loneliness and the person turned out to be someone different than you expected. This is actually common. People tend to fall for the wrong people on occasion, but it can scare them into looking for someone new. If you constantly find yourself with partners who are not what you want or expected, then look at your own patterns so you can change what you are doing. You deserve better so set high, but realistic standards, and don’t settle just because you are lonely. While you are single, learn to embrace the freedom. Being single is not a failure. The universe has bigger plans for you. Having a significant other does not determine worth. Remember, you deserve happiness and love in a relationship.