Are you looking for your superhero or a knight in shining armor? If you’re waiting for that one amazing person who will protect you from harm… Well, you should stand up for your feelings and maintain order in your life when everything starts to go wrong, you just need to look in the mirror. You’re the only superhero truly up to the task. You should stand up for yourself. Think you can’t do it? Think again!
Hear Your Distress Signal
You may think your partner has your best interest at heart, but if they are pushing you one way, then another, pushing you back, or off to the side, they don’t. You can’t rely on them to be your superhero, because what they’re doing doesn’t make you feel good. It’s time to stand up for yourself.
If you want to stand up for yourself, you first need to review the facts. Think about the moment your partner made you feel bad. What did they say? How did you respond? What should you have done differently? What could they have done differently? Then pick a time to confront your partner.
State Your Case
If your partner is being a jerk, you certainly need to call them out on it! Tell them how their actions or words made you feel, and give specific examples. Then tell them how they could have handled the situation better. This is important. Again, your partner needs to know that they’ve hurt you. When you stand up for yourself, you set clear boundaries in your relationship. You tell your partner what is absolutely not okay, and if they love and respect you, they’re unlikely to do it again.
There are two sides to every story, so give your partner a chance to explain their side. Really listen to what they have to say. You certainly don’t have to be a bully to stand up for yourself, and listening to them is a good way to reach a compromise. This isn’t about winning or villainizing your partner—it’s about understanding each other and also developing a healthy respect for each other.
Assess the Damage
At this point, your partner will either retaliate or apologize. If they choose to retaliate and push you more, you’ve certainly got a real problem on your hands and you may want to consider leaving the relationship. However, if they apologize immediately, you have yourself a real keeper. There are some people who aren’t capable of showing respect to others, and if you’re with a person like that, you can stand up for yourself all you want—it won’t make your relationship better.
Believe it or not, how you treat yourself plays a huge role in how others treat you. If you don’t respect yourself, how can you expect others—even your significant other—to respect you? If you beat yourself up over little mistakes, you’re certainly more likely to have a hypercritical partner, and if you feel unworthy of a good relationship, you won’t have one. In short, you teach people how to treat you, and if you stand up for yourself, you reinforce your value and self-respect. So if your partner treats you poorly, call them out on it. If they treat you well, reward them with affection and attention.
Remember, you are your ultimate superhero. Stand up for yourself and show people that you deserve respect and more. If you don’t teach them how to treat you, who will?