Relationships end for many reasons, but all of them aren’t horrible. Some simply have many tiny flaws that, in the end, amount to one big, “Hell no.”
That was the case for most of my breakups, and I wish I had seen the signs or been more vocal about how these issues felt like massive punches to my face.
Maybe things would have gone better, but I did date a lot of idiots, so I doubt it.
There is only one philosophy to follow when it comes to your exes: Your ex is an ex for a reason. Despite what some love and relationship experts may say, talking about a past relationship with anyone, especially your current relationship, is never a good idea. If you talk about your ex on the first date, there likely won’t be a second date. Here are five reasons why you shouldn’t talk about your ex—ever!
1. It Will Seem Like You’re Not Over Them
If you’re talking about your ex, it means you aren’t over them. If you’re dating someone, and you’re talking about your ex, they’re going to know you aren’t over them. Think about it. If the person you were dating kept mentioning their ex, wouldn’t that give you cause for a pause? Wouldn’t you think they weren’t over their ex? Well, if you keep mentioning your ex, your date is going to think that about you too.
When we end relationships, we tend to look back on them and see only the good parts—the parts we miss. We would do better to remember why the relationship ended. Doing so would make it so much easier to move on and help us to leave the past where it belongs—in the past.
Competing for someone’s affection with a rival is one thing, but when your current love gets compared to your ex-love, you’re pitting them against the ghost of a past relationship. And you’re only comparing your new love to the things that were great about your old relationship—not the whole relationship. Your current love will come to the conclusion that they’re in a no-win situation, and eventually the new relationship will become another ex-relationship.
Sometimes we date people who want to know everything about our past relationships. An inquisitive partner who asks about your past ad nauseam is either extremely insecure or they’re testing you. There isn’t much you could say that won’t turn into hurt feelings or a fight. Don’t take the bait. Don’t give in. Don’t talk about your ex.
3. Three’s a Crowd
There is no room in your new relationship for your ex, and remember, three’s a crowd. A new relationship is the chance to start over. It’s a clean slate. So why would you muddy it up with talk of your past romantic failures?
4. History Will Repeat Itself
Talking about your ex brings up a lot of questions in your lover’s mind. They’ll wonder why you really broke up, what you did that caused the breakup and why you aren’t over it. You’ll be viewed as someone who can’t let go. Will history repeat itself when you two break up? The idea that you would talk about them to someone new makes them feel uncomfortable, and rightly so.
5. There’s a Chance You’ll Rekindle Your Romance
If you talk about your ex a lot, your new partner will think you still want them. What if they called you up one day and asked you to give your love a second chance? Would you accept? You new love thinks you probably would and that makes them feel insecure about your relationship. How can someone get serious about you? How can you have a committed relationship when all you do is talk about your ex? If you want a new relationship to last, you have to let go of the past.
Each relationship we have in life is a learning experience and each relationships helps to shape who we are and who we become as a result of those experiences. Your partner has already met the new, more experienced you, so there’s no reason to rehash the journey that got you here, and there’s no reason to talk about your ex—ever!