Open, honest communication should be part of every healthy relationship. Use the guidelines below to open up the channels of communication between you and your partner. If you’re in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, be careful using these tips. You know your relationship best. If any of these tips would put you in danger, don’t try them.
Here are a few ways to improve communication in your relationships – both with your lover as well as your friends and co-workers:
- Express yourself
Expressing your emotions to your loved one about how you feel at the moment will result in a more positive relationship. How you express your feelings is the key. For instance, if you want to tell your loved one that you feel he or she is not investing enough effort into the relationship, here is how you express yourself:“When you don’t help me out around the house, I feel that you do not care if the house is dirty.”
The two elements to consider when communicating feelings are “cause” and “effect.” The cause produces the effect. For example:
Cause: “You don’t clean up around the house.”
Effect: “I feel like you don’t care.”
Putting these two elements together helps you communicate in a way that is beneficial to your relationship because it is clear and non-blaming. This is a technique that becomes easier and more effective with practice.
One often makes the mistake of giving up too soon when adopting a new communication technique if the spouse or lover does not respond positively. Remember that it takes time; your partner will eventually notice that you are changing your communication skills and will change with you.
- Change the tone of your voice
The type of response you receive will depend on how you express yourself. If you are blunt and cold, then expect an offensive remark. If you are subtle and calm, then expect a calmer and compromising response. As frustrated as you may be with this person, always remember that yelling gets you nowhere. Express yourself in a calm manner and you will make the other person feel that it’s ok to respond back without getting attacked. - Pick the right time
If you approach your loved one and bring up a problem just as he is walking through the door, then expect to be ignored. You want to bring up concerns when your mate is open to being approached. Try during dinner or after your partner has been home for a couple of hours. Right before bedtime may also be good as long as your mate is not too tired. The point to remember is that your loved one will be more open to discussing an issue and working things out if you catch him in a relaxed state.
If you try all of these techniques with your lover to no avail, you may have to consider either therapy or moving on with your life. Situations in other aspects of your life that don’t see the improvement you’re hoping for should also be carefully reevaluated. A call to a psychic is a good first step.