Let’s admit the fact that when we’re newly coupled up, we tend to look at our partner — and the budding relationship itself — through a pair of proverbial rose-colored glasses.
Any flaws we detect in our partner are all too easily written off: He shies away from introducing you to his immediate family? It will happen when it happens. She has a tendency to leave dirty dishes and shoes scattered around the house. You’re neat and orderly enough for the both of you.
But once you get real about your relationship and consider it for all that it is — and all that it isn’t — there are some issues that are just too serious to overlook.
Below, are the signs that you’re in an unhealthy relationship:
- The opinion of others does matter. Don’t kid yourself. It’s one thing if mama doesn’t like your romantic interest, but if a whole lot of other family members and even your friends aren’t keen on him/her either, you may need to take a second look. Reality is that unless there is a drastic event to change their opinions, they are not going to change.
- Don’t always be the one adjusting. If you are constantly changing to make your partner happy, well, you aren’t going to be happy. If you look at yourself and say, “Yeah, I do dress like a slob,” and you want to change your style, that’s fine. Go ahead. But think… is this change about you or what your mate wants?
- You’re always being criticized. If it’s happening a lot, it can affect your self-esteem. Joking is one thing. But are they jokes or ways to put you down? Good relationships inspire and support. If your mate is comparing you to others, saying your education isn’t as good as his/hers and other kinds of put-downs, this is probably not the person for you.
- It’s never enough. You can’t seem to agree on how much time you’re going to spend together and how you will spend that time. You have to be mutually comfortable with the time that you will be together. If she likes to be with her friends a lot now, it’s not going to change when you get married. We all have things that we want to do as couples. But people also need their alone times, too.
- You’re the follower and your partner is always the leader. Who’s making the decisions? Are you making them together? Certainly, sometimes your savvy will be better than the other person’s, and vice versa, but your partner shouldn’t be making ALL the decisions ALL the time. It’s just not
- Do you wonder what he/she is doing while you are away or out? Do you worry where he/she is and who with? That’s not a good sign. If you do not trust your partner, that’s a big sign of trouble. It’s going to cause arguments and it will drive you crazy.
- The physical relationship isn’t happening. If you and your partner aren’t compatible physically now, it’s going to cause problems and maybe even some cheating down the line. It all centers around how much you want and how much the other person wants. If you like a lot of physical contact, but your partner is more aloof, well, that may be a sign of trouble down the road.
- You’ve lost control.Does your partner run your schedule? Does he/she tell you who you can see and what you can do with them? If this makes you happy, then you need to stay homewith mama. A healthy relationship is about coming together on each other’s wants and needs. One should not control the other’s life.
- You feel it’s your job to make him/her happy.No, it isn’t. There are things you can do to make him/her smile and feel loved. But if your partner gets to a point where he/she is dependent on you to the point of neediness, it’s time to consider the relationship.
- It just doesn’t feel right. Your own intuition is probably as good a gauge as any. If something is bothering you, it has to be addressed. Don’t ignore things that aren’t acceptable because he’s rich or she’s gorgeous.
This is your life. You can share it with someone, and the relationship will last a lifetime if you listen to yourself and accept no less than what you deserve.